Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Snakes On A Plane

I know this is a bit off topic, but I need to get this out of my system somehow...

Samuel L. Jackson is in a movie called Snakes on a Plane. It is a gripping action drama about... uhhh... well, snakes on a plane, I guess.

You see, this troubles me, because I would like to finally start working on my acting career, but my ideal movie has already been made. I mean, this is the kind of clausterphobic suspence thriller I was made for! I can see it now...


ADAM Pulls STEWARDESS JENNY aside, in hushed tones

Okay, Jenny, no more excuses! I demand
to know what is happening on this plane!
I wasn't going to say anything until I knew for sure.
I didn't want to cause a panic!
Dammit, Jenny, passengers are dropping like flies!
If you know something, you've got to tell me!
JENNY collapses into ADAM's arms, sobbing.
Adam... There are snakes on this plane!
For a moment, ADAM stares at her in disbelief.
Oh... my... GOD!
After that, basically, I would start gathering up weapons (improvising a grenade out of a warm Coke cans, stuff like that), organizing passengers in to strike teams, and, of course, having a passionate (but tasteful) love scene with Jenny, who would be played by either Natalie Portman or Thora Birch.
Hollywood has gone to shit, my fellow blogmates. All we can do now is hope to God that they don't talk Bruce Willis and Larry Fishburn into doing Carnivorous Tree Frogs on a Yacht!
This brings me to...
Top 10 ways to kill Snakes on a Plane
10. Trick them into jumping out of plane, saying, "Parachutes? Hell, only pussies need parachutes! You aren't a bunch of pussy snakes, are you?"
9. Force them to sit through Con Air
8. Poison their martinis
7. Telepathically scan their brains until they explode
6. Tell Michael Chickless they called him a 2nd rate hack actor.
5. Sneak up behind them in the dark and yell, "BOO!" (May only work on elderly snakes with weak hearts)
4. Take off your loafers, and waft the smell at them
3. Open a window and throw them into the jet intake
2. Get them fighting amongst themselves
1. Pick up Wil Wheaton by the ankles, and beat them to death with him
"Snakes... why did it have to be snakes?"
-- Indiana Jones

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Fame, Fortune and the Virtual Funny Pages

There are times, Dear Readers, when I seriously question my own dubious sanity. On the one hand, I have created an unusual group of (hopefully) entertaining characters which, as I go along, are hopefull gaining more depth and personality. I can see Boritom as potentially very marketable as an adult comic strip, and I would love to see it become an animated series on [adult swim] or Comedy Central.

On the other hand, it is a webcomic, and the percentile of genuinely successful webcomics (where the artist is actually making profit on their creation) is less than .01%, and even then, nobody's becoming a millionaire off this stuff. As cool as it would be to see RK Milholland or J. Grant and Mel Hynes retire wealthy and appreciated, with Choo Choo Bear plush toys in every Spencer's Gifts outlet, and "Two Lumps: The Animated Series" going on to last 12 seasons on Fox, I just don't see it ever happening.

And if it isn't going to happen to them, and others of similar repute and popularity, what hope does Boritom, at less than 20 unique hits a day on average, have at becoming the next Simpsons, or Family Guy, or even Space Ghost: Coast to Coast?

I have been told over and over again by people that I should be creating these things for my own enjoyment, that I shouldn't be focused on trying to make money at them. That's not me. I don't put hours into drawing and tweaking a comic strip because it's just fun. I do FARK Photoshop contest entries for Fun. I watch Doctor Who or a Godzilla movie for fun. Would you ask David Letterman or Howard Stern to do what they do for fun, and not pay them for it?

However, by the same token, Boritom is just not good enough to attract any major attention, and it's not particularly controversial either. It's more or less a Fantasy Sitcom in comic strip format, and my drawing style is very undeveloped. That's not to say that it won't get better, and it has certainly improved.

The question that troubles me of late, however, is whether or not Boritom is my Highest Point of Contribution. To put it another way, of all the creative endeavors I have and am currently embarked in, which am I best at?

If I had to honestly rate myself, on a scale of 1 to 10 on the various talents I try to explore, it would come out like this:

  • Comic Artist - 4
  • Actor - 8
  • Singer - 7.5
  • Songwriter - 6
  • Guitarist - 3
  • Director/Producer - 2
  • Writer - 5
As you can tell, I don't feel I'm worst at drawing Boritom, but it's in the waining end of the chart. It is acting, and performing for an audience in general, for which I have received the most praise and positive critique. I'm not saying I am an excellent actor. What I'm saying is that I am a far better actor and singer than I am comic artist or guitarist, and as a Producer or Director, I flat-out suck ass. just ask anyone who had to put up with me during the first run of Video Difficulties.

All of that aside, I am not planning on ending Boritom just yet. I have promised myself I will give it 500 strips. If, at that point, it is not drawing more attention, and is not being drawn better, I shall gracefully end the story arc and bring the strip to a close.

In the meantime, I will be focusing less attention on the strip at times, as I finally start making preparations to attempt to get some actual paid acting jobs. It is time I finally took the advice that I have been given most often (well, that and, "Forget about her, she's too young/stupid/mean/whatever for ya"), and focus on the one talent I have the most apparent ability in. The first step has already begun, as I am in the process of signing with an agency in the Phoenix area.