Thursday, May 18, 2006

Sorry it's been so long since I posted, but nobody reads this fucking thing, anyway!

Angsty subject line, I know, but what're ya gonna do, huh?

Snakes on a plane, I guess...

Anyhow, Wednesday's Boritom was an experiment to see if anyone is paying attention. For the first time in the strip's history, I featured a panel depicting mild feminine frontal nudity. In short, I flash one of Persephone's boobies...
The reaction: Nada
No hate mail, no lecherous emails asking to see her cooch, no emails asking if I'm changing the format or concept of the strip.

One person commented on the LJ community, stating "I see one (nipple)."

Time to start wrapping things up, I guess. I still have 177 strips to go before I hit my minimum of 500, so I should be able to explore a couple strylines, then conclude the strip logically within that span.

Let's face it, my artwork sucks, my methods of promoting the strip suck, and at the moment, my general attitude towards it sucks big-time. After 300 + strips, my audience had gone from about 7 friends to about 30 people all told. I don't even care anymore about getting an animated pilot done. I am just tired and bored with it. I'm tempted to throw in the towel now, and just make Friday's strip the final installment, but I set myself a goal, and if I don't at least meet it, I'll feel like I failed completely. That's still about 59 weeks worth of strips at three per week, so that still gives the little turd about a year to prove me wrong about quitting.

How many "fans" would it take to keep it going? A fuckload more than 30. I'm sorry, but working a 10 hour day, and having to come home to another three hours of Photoshopping and HTML editing is sometimes just not how I want to spend my evening any more.

Yeah, I'm sounding like a whiney little bitch, and I don't care. I'm having a moment. After three years of fairly regular updates and trying to improve and make the comic more attractive and funnier, all I seem to get is "blah, whatever." Once in a while, I'll get some genuine feedback or positive reenforcement, but mostly, nobody cares. A friend once told me that I should do it because I love it, not because I want to be rich and famous. That's all well and good, but I don't want to end up sitting in this fucking office space for the rest of my life talking to inbred retards about their fucking Outlook Express for about $13 an hour. I don't have any non-artistic skills that bring in the bucks. I initially got into cartooning because I seemed to have an aptitude for it that I thought would get better as I went along. It's not. Oh, there's been improvement, here and there, and there are a few strips that turned out really good. Overall, however, it's still blobby, amateurish crap. I haven't had time to sit down with the drawing books I was recently given to try to refine my technique, and frankly, I'm beginning to realize how empty my life feels when I'm not performing.

Sitting down with a drawing pad and drawing a funny little cartoon is just not as rewarding as getting up in front of a bunch of people, or a bunch of cameras, and portraying a character. Acting has always been my real dream, but up until recently, I'd been too chickenshit to follow up on it. Now, finally, I have gotten my headshots taken, and this weekend, I get to look over the proofs and decide which pix to use. After that, it's just a question of making a sufficient number of copies and locating auditions, agents and projects.

Yeah, I could fall flat on my face, or at best, end up voicing Ford commercials for the local talk radio station until I die. I can live with that. I need to try, though, and I can't make Boritom a priority if my goal is to get my face on camera.

Video Difficulties, on the other hand, will get more attention, because, even though it is not a profitable enterprise, it's experience in my chosen field. On every shoot, I learn a little more about what to do and what NOT to do on camera, and I try to apply those lessons to the next project. It's more enjoyable, I get more feedback, and the gratification is more permeable. With Boritom, all I can do is hope someone responds.

With only 30 readers, I get maybe one or two comments a month. Out of 12 - 15 strips, only one or two is worth a comment, nice or nasty. Sorry, but this strip just sucks too much time and energy for that little bit of feedback. If it's not that good, there's no reason to do it.

So, here we go. The countdown to the end of Boritom has begun. The world has 59 weeks to let me know whether they care one way or the other, then it's gone.