Sorry it's been so long since I posted, but nobody reads this fucking thing, anyway!

Angsty subject line, I know, but what're ya gonna do, huh?

Snakes on a plane, I guess...

Anyhow, Wednesday's Boritom was an experiment to see if anyone is paying attention. For the first time in the strip's history, I featured a panel depicting mild feminine frontal nudity. In short, I flash one of Persephone's boobies...
The reaction: Nada
No hate mail, no lecherous emails asking to see her cooch, no emails asking if I'm changing the format or concept of the strip.

One person commented on the LJ community, stating "I see one (nipple)."

Time to start wrapping things up, I guess. I still have 177 strips to go before I hit my minimum of 500, so I should be able to explore a couple strylines, then conclude the strip logically within that span.

Let's face it, my artwork sucks, my methods of promoting the strip suck, and at the moment, my general attitude towards it sucks big-time. After 300 + strips, my audience had gone from about 7 friends to about 30 people all told. I don't even care anymore about getting an animated pilot done. I am just tired and bored with it. I'm tempted to throw in the towel now, and just make Friday's strip the final installment, but I set myself a goal, and if I don't at least meet it, I'll feel like I failed completely. That's still about 59 weeks worth of strips at three per week, so that still gives the little turd about a year to prove me wrong about quitting.

How many "fans" would it take to keep it going? A fuckload more than 30. I'm sorry, but working a 10 hour day, and having to come home to another three hours of Photoshopping and HTML editing is sometimes just not how I want to spend my evening any more.

Yeah, I'm sounding like a whiney little bitch, and I don't care. I'm having a moment. After three years of fairly regular updates and trying to improve and make the comic more attractive and funnier, all I seem to get is "blah, whatever." Once in a while, I'll get some genuine feedback or positive reenforcement, but mostly, nobody cares. A friend once told me that I should do it because I love it, not because I want to be rich and famous. That's all well and good, but I don't want to end up sitting in this fucking office space for the rest of my life talking to inbred retards about their fucking Outlook Express for about $13 an hour. I don't have any non-artistic skills that bring in the bucks. I initially got into cartooning because I seemed to have an aptitude for it that I thought would get better as I went along. It's not. Oh, there's been improvement, here and there, and there are a few strips that turned out really good. Overall, however, it's still blobby, amateurish crap. I haven't had time to sit down with the drawing books I was recently given to try to refine my technique, and frankly, I'm beginning to realize how empty my life feels when I'm not performing.

Sitting down with a drawing pad and drawing a funny little cartoon is just not as rewarding as getting up in front of a bunch of people, or a bunch of cameras, and portraying a character. Acting has always been my real dream, but up until recently, I'd been too chickenshit to follow up on it. Now, finally, I have gotten my headshots taken, and this weekend, I get to look over the proofs and decide which pix to use. After that, it's just a question of making a sufficient number of copies and locating auditions, agents and projects.

Yeah, I could fall flat on my face, or at best, end up voicing Ford commercials for the local talk radio station until I die. I can live with that. I need to try, though, and I can't make Boritom a priority if my goal is to get my face on camera.

Video Difficulties, on the other hand, will get more attention, because, even though it is not a profitable enterprise, it's experience in my chosen field. On every shoot, I learn a little more about what to do and what NOT to do on camera, and I try to apply those lessons to the next project. It's more enjoyable, I get more feedback, and the gratification is more permeable. With Boritom, all I can do is hope someone responds.

With only 30 readers, I get maybe one or two comments a month. Out of 12 - 15 strips, only one or two is worth a comment, nice or nasty. Sorry, but this strip just sucks too much time and energy for that little bit of feedback. If it's not that good, there's no reason to do it.

So, here we go. The countdown to the end of Boritom has begun. The world has 59 weeks to let me know whether they care one way or the other, then it's gone.

Geekaliciousnessism

My friends know me as the most vehement critic and fan of Star Trek in our little circle. Ever since the premire of Deep Space Nine, I have been emphatic in my opinion that they should have taken a five to ten year break between spinoffs to keep the fans from getting oversaturated and bored. During the DS9 period, I felt that TNG, DS9 and Voyager suffered because the writers and the production team were spread too thin. Also, Voyager and Enterprise were both just variations on the TOS/TNG formula. That wouldn't have been so bad if:
A) The shows had not been aired back-to-back
B) If Rick Berman had been fired in 1990

That being said, I am sad at the prospect of no new Star Trek series in the future. I was always hoping they might do a series with a much more comedic bent.

If they were to do such a series, this is what I would like see...

STAR TREK:

HESPERUS

U.S.S. HESPERUS

VALIANT CLASS --- STARFLEET REGISTRY NCC-75309
UTOPIA PLANETIA FLEET YARDS, MARS
SECOND STARSHIP TO BEAR THE NAME --- LAUNCHED STARDATE 48726.0
UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS

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Captain: David Ramsey (E. Adam Thomas)
1st Officer: Cmdr Tuvok (Tim Russ)
Chief Medical Officer: Dr. Alyssa Ogawa (Patti Yasutake)
Engineering Officer: Lt. Cmdr Robin Lefler (Ashley Judd)
2nd Ofcr/Helmsman: Lt. Jenyse Guyvers
Counselor: Lt Cmdr Joshua Lang
Security: Lt Harry Kim (Garrett Wang)
Navigator: Ens. Molly O’Brien

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Premise: More of an action comedy series focusing on a Valiant Class ship (Like the Defiant in DS9) commanded by David Ramsey, age 43, a former agent for Section 31, and a cyborg. As an ensign, he was horribly disfigured during the battle of Wolf 359, losing both legs, both arms and the vision in one eye. A medical officer for S31 who had been adapting Dr. Noonian Soong’s research in medical positronics decided to take David in as a test case.
Now, he’s basically a 24th Century Six Million Dollar Man.
Ramsey looks a bit “Picardish,” but is a quite a wise-ass and a cynic. He’s also a fount of old pop-culture trivia from the early 20th to the late 23rd century. This peppers into his wisecracks with occasionally confusing results, which he often shakes off with self-annoyance. He’s got a good sense of humor, and could be quite the lady killer, if it weren’t for the fact that he doesn’t think he has anything to offer women, so he doesn’t bother trying.

Tuvok is the first officer. Plan on a few nods to the Kirk/Spock relationship. His character is already pretty well established, and it should be made apparent he’s served with Ramsey for a while, now.

Ensign O’Brien, Miles and Keiko’s Daughter, is extraordinarily intelligent, and socially inept. She’s also 19 years old and drop-dead gorgeous. She’s got a crush on Counselor Josh Lang.

Jenyse Guyvers has a crush on the captain, unaware that he was responsible for her father’s death 10 years ago. She’s incredibly intelligent and capable, with, as the Talosians might say, “Unusually strong female drives.”

Doctor Ogawa (Previously Dr. Crusher’s chief nurse on the Enterprise) is a warm, friendly sort, but has a bit of the McCoy temperament when she feels that the Captain is being too hard on himself or a crewman. She’s always on his case to keep his cybernetic prosthesis adjusted and tuned. He has a tendency to put it off, leading to accidental tricorder crushings and things like that. She has a close friendship with Molly O’Brien.

Harry Kim is more mature now, and takes his security detail very seriously. Off duty, though, he’s a practical joker, even going so far as to replicate android tribbles from time to time, putting them on any seat the captain is liable to inhabit. On the captain’s birthday, he convinces the crew to dress up in mirror-universe garb and trick the captain into thinking he woke up in the mirror universe. He’s very fond of Robin Lefler, but in a stunning repeat of history, is reluctant to actually approach her.

Josh Lang is a young, freshly graduated student of psychology. He is very insightful and empathetic person by nature. He’s also a mixed bag of intellect and hormones. At 28 years old, he has never really dated before, and now is kind of having trouble at times remaining focused when counseling female crew members. His main targets are Lefler and Guyvers.

Robin Lefler is one of Starfleet’s most brilliant engineers. She’s picked up a lot since she served on the Enterprise, and is quite inventive when it comes to thinking of impossible ways to save the day at the last minute. She’s also very athletic and competitive. She’s constantly beating Harry and Josh at everything from handball to Kh’Toghh, a Klingon version of dodge ball.

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The Hesperus is a 20 year old Defiant class vessel (see the Defiant from DS9) with a somewhat chequered history. It’s first captain was a Maquis sympathizer who commandeered the ship at one point and used it to attack the Cardassians. Her second captain, Jason Horvath, was an opportunist, who would try to make a profit on the side sneaking black market goods out of Gorn and Tholian space. Ramsey is her third commanding officer, and despite his noble service record, he’s regarded as untrustworthy by his commanding officer, Admiral Stuart Dickson, because of his previous position as an operative for Section 31. The ship’s systems are in need of upgrade, but Dickson is reluctant to allow Ramsey to have the ship refit, out of spite. Ramsey dislikes Dickson in turn, often referring to him as Admiral Dickhead, Dimsum and Dingleberry, among other affectionate pseudonyms. Ramsey’s one ace in the hole is that Jean Luc Picard, still captain of the Enterprise, does hold Ramsey in high esteem, and is willing to go to bat for him if Dickson’s asinine vendetta gets too far out of hand.

Picard had Q, Sisko had Gul Dukat, and Janeway had the Borg queen. Ramsey’s chief nemesis is the Hesperus’s former CO, Jason Horvath, who has turned renegade, and somehow gotten his hands on an old Constitution class vessel, the U.S.S. Bonhomme Richard. He’s stolen a Romulan cloaking device, and has Jem Hadar, Klingon and Borg weaponry added to the already upgraded phaser and photon torpedo systems. He acts more like a gun for hire, using his souped-up starship to perform raids and attacks on anyone’s enemies if the price is right, including Starfleet vessels. He has a special grudge against Ramsey, who had been serving as the first officer aboard the U.S.S. Potemkin, the ship that finally busted Horvath and had him court marshaled. Ramsey had been the main investigator, and testified against Horvath in the trial, offering the most damning evidence during the proceedings. As an extra twist of irony, the Bonhomme Richard was also the starship that Ramsey’s grandfather, Jack Ramsey, commanded during Kirk’s era, a fact Horvath takes twisted delight in rubbing in David’s face, despite the fact that David really doesn’t give a shit.

Episode ideas:

To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Naked Now, Before
Stardate 60121.2: The Hesperus is just being launched out of repairs at Starbase 417-A after a harrowing encounter with the Breen. Captain Ramsey is exhausted and stressed out, and more than a little remorseful after losing a third of his bridge crew in the battle. New assignees to the ship include Lefler as the chief engineer, Guyvers as their new helmsman, and Molly O’Brien, fresh out of the academy, as their new navigation officer. Their first mission is to investigate a distress call from the U.S.S. Hodgeson, a research vessel that was analyzing a moon around Ketterus Prime whose orbit was inexplicably decaying. The crew are all dead, except for one officer, Lt. Nelson, and two maintinence robots. Nelson is found in one of the observation lounges with the two robots, watching “Manos: The Hands of Fate.”
The crew has succumbed to the same kind of affliction that hit two of the Enterprises, and it appears to be affecting the Hesperus crew as well. With Tuvok and Ramsey being the only ones left unaffected, they’re about ready to abandon ship and go for help when it is discovered that this is the first in a long line of infamous Harry Kim practical jokes. The transporter biofilters had successfully screened out any contaminants this time, and everyone has a good laugh. Nelson is welcomed aboard the Hesperus on the condition that he obtain copies of “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die” and “Gamera Vs. Zigra” for the captain.

There Is No “Arrrrr” in Team
Stardate 60133.6: The Hesperus’s first encounter with Captain Horvath occurs when they are sent to investigate an attack on a Klingon warship by an “unidentified antique vessel.” David is in the thick of it between a vengeful Klingon captain who accuses the Federation of staging this attack as a prelude to war, and Horvath, whose penchant for piracy has become notorious. He even has an eye patch, despite having perfect vision in both eyes. Horvath was “hired” by the Klingon’s wife, who believes him to be adulterous.
Meanwhile, a rivalry begins between Harry and Josh over the seemingly unattainable affections of Lt Cmdr Lefler, who is far more interested in humiliating both of them on the Handball court.

Obligatory Haywire Holodeck Episode #1
Stardate 60168.4: David’s secret fascination with hot rods and all things 1950’s gets him, Tuvok and Guyvers in deep trouble when an ion storm causes their “American Graffitti” program to cross circuits with Lt. Nelson’s collection of bad 1950’s monster movies. Includes parodies of “This Island Earth,” “Godzilla Raids Again,” “The Blob” and the 1973 Six Million Dollar Man episode, “Day of the Robot,” which Nelson had apparently mistook for an old Leslie Nielson movie.
The ion storm is playing havoc with other systems as well. Photon torpedoes keep randomly firing at passing space crud, the ship’s computer starts responding in a thick Southern accent, and the only thing the replicators are dispensing are triple cheeseburgers and banana bundt cake.Lefler and Kim get stranded in a turbo lift, and Kim keeps having romantic fantasies about Lefler, making the situation very awkward for him.

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Well, Sirs, What do you think?

EXTRAY, EXTRAY, READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Attention all personell: Sneak Peek at clips from the new Ren & Stimpy Lost Episodes DVD!
Also, tonight's feature is "Bride of Godzilla Vs. The Son Of Kong." This feature is rated BYOI: Bring your own Ipecac!
That is all.

On A Side Note to the Previous Post

How is it that the entire world is paranoid about reprisals for some Swedish newspaper running an editorial cartoon spoofing the Prophet Mohammed, yet it's perfectly okay for everybody (including myself) to draw funny pictures of, or in other ways lampoon:

• Jesus Christ
• God
• Buddha
• Jehovah
• TV's Bob Saget

I may be wrong (I often am), but doesn't this petty reaction to a cartoon by the nation of Islam actually make them less credible? I mean, if the most self-righteous, arrogant religion on Earth, Christianity, can tolerate a few amusing Jesus jokes, what gives with this whole Mohammed thing?

There's nothing wrong with faith and belief, but declaring a holy war over a funny little cartoon is beyond ignorance.

Thank you!

Of Animation Wars and Sacred Cows

This week's South Park episode wraps up a two parter where the town is in a panic over the possibility of Family Guy showing the prophet Mohammed on an episode. I keep noticing in various forums comments and blogs that imply that Trey and Matt are pissed off at Family Guy, or jealous of their ratings and success. Apparently, there are still some people out there that don't know what the word "Satire" means.
While it is true that Family Guy and South Park are inaccurately lumped in together as the same type of show, with the same sense of humor, I doubt very seriously whether there is any animosity between the makers of the two shows. In fact, one can almost imagine them forming some kind of elite animation illuminati with the makers of Aqua Teen hunger Force and Ren & Stimpy. The one thing all of these shows and their creators share is a knack for pushing the boundaries of what some would consider, "Appropriate subject matter." South Park, of course, has been the most aggressive in this field, tackling just about every "sacred cow" they can find. Parodies of Hurricane Katrina, Scientology, and this most recent issue, which is actually more about the lack of tolerance regarding characaturization of the Prophet Mohammed than anything, has been a staple of the series' modus operandi since day one. Nothing is safe from the barbs and wit of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. From turning Barbara Streisand into Mechagodzilla, to mutilation of one-time friend and collegue Issac Hayes's character, Chef, after he left the show over their parody of Scientology last year (if anyone should have known they would go there, he should have), no Celebrity, popular cause, or social issue (save for 9/11 itself) has escaped their keen attack strategy. By comparison, Family Guy is fairly safe and esoteric. Beyond questioning baby Stewie's sexuality from time to time, they have avoided any serious controversy, although I suspect that in itself is not intentional.
The critical issue here is that the public seems so willing to pigeonhole types of entertainment. Even those who seem to rail against such practices fall into the trap. Other than the fact that both Family Guy and South Park are animated comedy shows, they are no more similar than Star Trek and Lost In Space; both may have been 60's science fiction series, but that's where the similarities end.
The troubling thing in all of this is that, if I ever were to try to get an animated series made out of Boritom, it would get rejected outright because it features an alien living with a human on Earth. American Dad already has that. I must admit I was miffed about the visual similarities between Bor and American Dad's alien, Roger...

...so I made fun of it. ;-)
Of course, it's coincidence, as I highly doubt Seth McFarlane has ever even heard of Boritom, much less would be willing to rip me off. The similarity in concept is very vague, and barely worth a thought.
The fact that they did a 2 parter in Iraq, well... thet does get a bit dicey, even for me, but what the Hell. If Boritom ever did become a series, I could see a crossover episode where Bor and Roger are old enemies from an ancient space war over the rights to a planet where all of the rivers flow with exceptionally good Hot Wing sauce. Since I kind of like the idea of Seth Green voicing the Floating Orb Of Death (him or Billy West), I'm certainly notup for a cartoon war.
Neither are the guys at South Park.
Now, I'm off to finish the strip where Mr Hankey invades Bor's celebration of Yak Shaving Day at Moe's Tavern in Quahog.

Holy Flark!

The Words Just Come Out Wrong.

This past Sunday, I lost someone that should have been closer to me. A fantastic guy whose sense of humor and energy were inspiring.
I really don’t know what to say. I feel guilty somehow, because he was always one of those cool people I wanted to get to know better, yet didn’t. We didn’t hang out much to begin with, so when I started distancing myself from things that I was uncomfortable with in my life, I ended up hardly ever seeing him at all.

I always figured there would be time. I was wrong. I’m heartsick over the opportunity I have lost. I pray I will not make this mistake again.

I will miss you, Bradley.

Bradley Stanfield (Bradley Gnosis)

May 5, 1983 - April 9, 2006

Radio Ka-Ka

This is more of a rant, and will eventually be permanently posted on my "Adam's Rants" section in the Boritom site.

I am recently noticing a resurgence of a rather stupid trend lately. That trend is the accusation of fans that their favorite band or musician is selling out, merely because they added a new element or style to the music they record.
As a "for instance," I shall cite a discussion I've had with several friends "back in the day." Many of my friends around the time I was going to college were big fans of Queen and Rush. Both bands were, in their early years, fairly straightforward rock bands which rarely, if ever, used keyboards or synthesizers at all. As the 70's drew to a close, both bands, now more affluent, started using synthesizers fairly regularly. These friends of mine, in conversations that took place nearly 15 years after the fact, judged these bands harshly, accusing them of "selling out" when they started using electronic keyboards. Such instrumentation, it was surmised, was the exclusive pervue of sickly little pop bands that were only in it for the money. Often, when I would put forth the opinion that they were now able to compose music with a broader range of musical moods, which would, if anything, expand their creative diversity, I would be shunned as a poor, misguided fool. Of course, now, another 15 years later, some of their more synth-heavy tracks are among the most beloved songs in their catalogue.

Ultimately, what irritates me the most about this is the fact that, in many cases, one of the things that keeps bands from trying anything different and challenging themselves is the fear of alienating their fans. The same holds true with other art forms as well, but music, Rock music in particular, seems especially vulnerable to this kind of closed-mindedness. There have been many cases where an artist or group have branched out and tried something new, only to have their fans evacuate their legions like rats leaving a sinking ship. Where would Pink Floyd have been if their fans had just amscrayed with the release of "Dark Side Of The Moon" because there were no songs about scarecrows or gnomes on it?

Of course, sometimes a style change is good for the career. Ever listen to the first Ministry album? Try playing "With Sympathy" and "The Land of Rape and Honey" back to back some time. The former is a saccarine, 80's Euro-pop shitstorm with all the heart of Commander Data reciting all of the different components of the Enterprise's warp drive system. The latter is an intense, wrenching experience, with poer, drive and more than a little fury. LoRaH will blow you away, whereas WS will just blow you, and it won't even swallow.

On the other hand, when stadium supergroup Styx tried to cash in on the up-coming techno market with "Kilroy Was Here" in 1982, they failed to capture the feel of the genre they were chasing after, and in so doing, alienated many of their fans. This was further exacerbated by the release of the unpalatable "Music Time" single on their live album the following year. In recent years, they have reformed and tried to recapture some of their audience, but with diminished success. In this instance, however, the protestations that Styx had sold out and were trying to cash in were justified. This is not the case with Rush or Queen.

The battle rages on, as Green Day's sound seems to mellow out from the pseudo-punk feel of their earlier releases to a more radio-friendly approach on their most recent album, "American Idiot." Similarly, Rob Zombie's more recent release, "Educated Horses," also boasts a somewhat different style, bringing an almost rockabilly facet into his trademark metallic formula. In both cases, however, the changes seem to enhance the existing template of these artists, and although there is noticeable resistance from some of their fans, there does seem to be a somewhat more acceptant attitude where artistic experimentation is considered.

I for one would applaud a more diverse attitude towards expanded musical styles. One radio station in Phoenix, The EDGE (KEDJ FM) has even started expanding beyond their goth/alternative format to include smatterings of Johnny Cash and other seemingly incongruous artists, no doubt due in part to Cash's cover of Nine Inch Nails's song, "Hurt" released shortly before his death last year. That's not the only "Man In Black" track they play, however, and I find it quite refreshing that a Goth/Punk/Alternative station is playing songs that were recorded in the 1960's. Now, if I could just get them to play some Pink Floyd or Velvet Underground...

Snakes On A Plane

I know this is a bit off topic, but I need to get this out of my system somehow...

Samuel L. Jackson is in a movie called Snakes on a Plane. It is a gripping action drama about... uhhh... well, snakes on a plane, I guess.

You see, this troubles me, because I would like to finally start working on my acting career, but my ideal movie has already been made. I mean, this is the kind of clausterphobic suspence thriller I was made for! I can see it now...

CUT TO CABIN OF PLANE,

COACH SECTION

ADAM Pulls STEWARDESS JENNY aside, in hushed tones

ADAM:

Okay, Jenny, no more excuses! I demand

to know what is happening on this plane!

JENNY:

I wasn't going to say anything until I knew for sure.

I didn't want to cause a panic!

ADAM:

Dammit, Jenny, passengers are dropping like flies!

If you know something, you've got to tell me!

JENNY collapses into ADAM's arms, sobbing.

JENNY:

Adam... There are snakes on this plane!

For a moment, ADAM stares at her in disbelief.

ADAM:
(intensely)

Oh... my... GOD!

After that, basically, I would start gathering up weapons (improvising a grenade out of a warm Coke cans, stuff like that), organizing passengers in to strike teams, and, of course, having a passionate (but tasteful) love scene with Jenny, who would be played by either Natalie Portman or Thora Birch.

Hollywood has gone to shit, my fellow blogmates. All we can do now is hope to God that they don't talk Bruce Willis and Larry Fishburn into doing Carnivorous Tree Frogs on a Yacht!

This brings me to...

Top 10 ways to kill Snakes on a Plane

10. Trick them into jumping out of plane, saying, "Parachutes? Hell, only pussies need parachutes! You aren't a bunch of pussy snakes, are you?"

9. Force them to sit through Con Air

8. Poison their martinis

7. Telepathically scan their brains until they explode

6. Tell Michael Chickless they called him a 2nd rate hack actor.

5. Sneak up behind them in the dark and yell, "BOO!" (May only work on elderly snakes with weak hearts)

4. Take off your loafers, and waft the smell at them

3. Open a window and throw them into the jet intake

2. Get them fighting amongst themselves

1. Pick up Wil Wheaton by the ankles, and beat them to death with him

"Snakes... why did it have to be snakes?"
-- Indiana Jones